Stop Apologizing, Stop Judging, Start Living: A Sassy Guide to Letting Go and Letting Yourself Shine

You know those moments when you’re apologizing for everything? Like you’re late to a party, and before you even take off your coat, you’re already halfway through an over-the-top explanation about how the roads were bad because it’s the middle of a Canadian winter, your dog wouldn’t pee, and your kid had a meltdown over mismatched socks? Or maybe it’s spilling tea on your shirt and apologizing to… what, your shirt? The floor? The tea itself? Why do we do this? Why are we, as grown humans, walking around acting like our very existence is an inconvenience to the universe?

But let’s be real, do people even care? Like, is someone out there keeping a tally of all your minor offenses? Spoiler: they’re not. Karen from the community board doesn’t care that your email had a typo. Sarah at the bake sale isn’t losing sleep over your wrinkled yoga pants. They’re too busy worrying about their own stuff, probably apologizing to their own tea mug.

Somewhere along the way, we were handed this unspoken rulebook: Always be polite. Always have it together. Always apologize. But the thing is, life doesn’t come with a manual. And even if it did, we’d all be constantly rewriting the instructions as we go.

It’s not just the little things, either. We’re out here apologizing for big things too, things we shouldn’t feel bad about at all. Like saying no to something we don’t want to do. Or, my personal favorite, accepting a compliment like, “Wow, you look great!” and immediately responding with, “Oh no, this old thing? I just pulled it out of the laundry pile.” Stop it. Stop throwing your own parade rained on by self-doubt.

And while we’re at it, can we talk about this exhausting need to impress people who don’t matter? You know the drill: you’re at a party, and you hear yourself saying something completely out of character just to fit in. Five seconds later, you’re standing there thinking, Why the hell did I say that? That’s not me.

Here’s the kicker, it’s not just about apologizing. Oh no, we’re also busy judging ourselves and everyone else.

We grew up in a Catholic church, and the whole “Judge not, lest ye be judged” thing was practically painted on the walls. And yet, judgment is as human as breathing. We’ll admit it: We’ve been guilty of side-eyeing someone and thinking, Wow, bold choice most of the time while sitting in church! But let me ask you this, do we even care about the stuff we’re judging? Like, if someone decides to wear Crocs to a formal dinner, does it actually affect your life? No. And yet, here we are, wasting mental energy on it.

The truth is, judgment often comes from a place of insecurity. It’s like we’re so busy measuring ourselves against impossible standards that we start projecting that pressure onto everyone else. But when you break it down, does it matter if someone parents differently, dresses differently, or lives their life differently than you do? Nope.

Now, let’s circle back to the real issue: why are we apologizing for being imperfect in the first place? Why are we covering up gray hairs, stressing about those five extra pounds, or feeling bad about saying, “Nah, I’m good,” when someone asks us to bake 300 cupcakes for a fundraiser? Are we doing it because we want to? Or because we think we have to?

And hey, let us be clear, we’re not kicking all society’s rules to the curb here. Fundraisers and community boards are important! Somebody has to show up. Somebody has to bake those cupcakes and help organize the chaos but just remember: you don’t have to do it all. And you definitely don’t have to do it all while complaining about doing it all. Do your part, say no to the rest, and let someone else step in for a change. Do it because it feels right for you, not because it’s an expectation placed on you by someone else. When you engage in something authentically, it shines through. People notice the difference, your energy, your genuine care, your willingness to be there from the heart. It’s about doing something that aligns with your values and truly makes an impact. And when you show up as your true self, that’s when you make the biggest difference.

It’s like we’ve forgotten how to live authentically. Remember that fearless kid in the Christmas play who refused to sing or even smile? Arms crossed, glaring at the audience like, Y’all can’t make me. That kid didn’t care about being “perfect.” That kid wasn’t worried about judgment or apologies. That kid was living their truth, even if their truth was refusing to be part of singing the damn song. We bet that kid, the one glaring at the audience and refusing to sing, was probably scolded by mom and dad afterward or grilled by a teacher with endless, “Why didn’t you participate?” questions. Maybe they even got the dreaded lecture about how everyone has to sing too. But why do we do that? Why do we push our kids to steer away from their authentic selves? Is it embarrassment? Fear that we’ve failed as parents? Worry they’ll be labeled the “weird one”? Why can’t we just let the kid choose not to sing if that’s what feels right to them? Maybe the real question isn’t why they didn’t participate but why we feel the need to make them.

Don’t get us wrong, we’ve done this too and still catch ourselves doing it. But we can assure you, we're aware of it now and actively trying to change those ingrained patterns. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we stopped being that kid. We stopped singing This Little Light of Mine at the top of our lungs and started dimming our light instead. Why? Who told us it wasn’t okay to let it shine? And why did we believe them?

Think about it—when did we decide it was better to blend in than stand out? To silence ourselves rather than speak up? To shrink instead of shine? At some point, we traded our authentic, messy, beautiful selves for a polished, palatable version that fits neatly into everyone else’s expectations. But the world doesn’t need a watered-down version of you. It needs you.

The people who truly matter in your life? They don’t care about the polished, Instagram-filtered version of you. They love the real you, the you with the messy bun, the unshaven legs, and the laugh that sometimes turns into a snort. They love you for the hot mess you sometimes are, not the Supermodel Wife you think you need to be.

So, what’s the solution? It’s simple (but not easy): stop apologizing for being human. Stop judging yourself and others for not meeting some impossible standard. And most importantly, start living authentically. Embrace your quirks, your flaws, your real laugh. Wear the dress because it makes you feel good. Say no without guilt. Let the gray hairs shine if that’s your vibe. Because at the end of the day, none of this surface-level stuff really matters.

If you're sitting here judging us for writing this, or for something that doesn’t affect you in the slightest, like Amanda homeschooling her kids, or anyone else for living their truth, we’ve got a challenge for you: Ask yourself, what am I missing in my life that I need to judge others for their choices?

Yeah. Sit with that. Feel that squirm? That’s growth knocking on your door, honey. Time to let it in.

So, let’s all stop apologizing for being human and start living like the fabulous, flawed, unapologetic queens we were born to be. Deal? Great. Now go spill some tea on your shirt and rock that stain like it’s a designer accessory.