When I Finally Let Go, That's Exactly Where I Ended Up.

I walked down to the Police Station that day… slowly, my head hung the lowest of the low. Feelings of extreme sadness, anger and shame flooded my mind.

I was just building my career in Social Work. My professional reputation mattered. But everything was seemingly crumbling behind closed doors.

How can this even be my life, I thought. Things like this just don't happen to me.

I had been separated from my ex at that time for a substantial amount of time. I had primary care of two really young children, with an absent father who was lost deep in the trenches.

Were there jarring red flags throughout the course of our relationship? Absolutely.

Did I always believe in the power of change? Absolutely.

That vehicle was still registered in my name, as I methodically proceeded through my separation with empathy and compassion. I had to learn the lesson the hardest way.

I later found out that the vehicle was taken, by his "consent", by some well-known drug dealer. My ex ran from detox that time, and spent the good majority of that year, and many years later, consumed by his substance of choice. Nothing else really mattered. And it still doesn't.

Often, we may find ourselves in situations where we hope, we pray, we plead, we help. Trust me, I've been through it all. In my situation, it was only when I implemented the absolute firmest boundaries, even cutting out contact completely due to the level of extreme instability, that I found peace.

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I had a dream. To have that perfect family, with a pet, my own home, happiness, stability, safety. That's all I wanted.

He's still out there somewhere, falling deeper and deeper, gambling with his life every second of every day. But this time, I choose to acknowledge that he must be the one accountable for his life. The capacity to turn it around is there, but I'm no longer in the position to try and force it.

Years have passed. My kids are thriving. So is my career.

Children need a safe home and a parent who is present. And if that comes from one person, it is enough. It always has been.

We often get fooled with the myth that kids need a two parent home. What they need is love, safety, and someone who shows up.